Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ugly people sure do ruin things
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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