I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
