i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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