evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
