So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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