My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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