I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
