the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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