At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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