i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
