i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
