i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
