Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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