I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
