matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
