Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize