i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
