he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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