the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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