fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize