what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
