I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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