i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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