When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm too high and old for this...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
