i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
