they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize