So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
