Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
