What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
