I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
