Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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