she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize