i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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