That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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