At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
