soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
