You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
