Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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