I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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