i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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