I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
