if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
