He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
