Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
