Don't make out with my wife yet
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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