He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
