Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am available for nakedness
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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