My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
