Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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