I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
