Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
