Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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