I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
