I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
