he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
