Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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