i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
