Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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