did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
