Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
