I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
