I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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