The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
