she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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