Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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