Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
