i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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