Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
