How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
