Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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