I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
