So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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