i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
